Why Can't I Orgasm?
So any women come to contact and come to me with this problem. Unfortunately there is no one reason and no quick magic cure. It is a process and that process will vary from person to person. Some women may find it to be a quick and fairly easy process while other's may struggle with some of the reasons why they have never had an orgasm or have a difficult time reaching orgasm.
There are many possible reasons. So many that I won't be able to list all the ones I know and I'm sure I don't know all of the reasons. I can discuss what I feel are main reasons and give suggestion to help you figure out if there are other reasons for you.
First we need to understand exactly what an orgasm is and what happens in the process. An orgasm is purely energy. It is a very raw, primal, earthy energy that builds in the lower two Chakras as we become more and more aroused. Once it reaches a peak it travels up the spine, through the other Chakras and fills the entire body. This is referred to as a full body orgasm but truly it is just a normal orgasm. What I can tell you for sure is everyone is able to orgasm. Since an orgasm is purely energy anyone can orgasm and sexual stimulation is not even needed. It is when the process of building the sexual energy or flow is hindered or blocked that we are not able to reach orgasm or we are left with very localized orgasms in the genitals and pelvis area only, or mildly through our body. Here are somethings that I have researched or come across in my experiences with clients, ex-wife and friends.
1. A western perception of an orgasm is something going out. Especially for men since we ejaculate but even most women are brought up to think it is a sexual RELEASE. Release as in releasing it from your body. This gives us the mind set to push something out. So we build and build this energy and then push it out. This gives women, even men, the feeling of just about to orgasm and then loose it. Or we are left with a localized orgasm in just the pelvic area and often feel drained or wiped out afterward because we've built up all of this energy and pushed it out. This can be a fairly easy fix. Once you understand what an orgasm is, how it builds and where it goes you can start setting a new intent. Before and a little during sex or masturbation set the intent for the energy to flow up and fill your body when it reaches it's peak. Don't focus a lot on it. Just tell your body what you want it to do. This may take a few to several times. You are retraining not only the energy but your brain as well.
2. One of the most common things I see happen is women tense up too much. It is a natural reaction to tense and tighten the vaginal muscles and pelvic muscles. When you do this it grips the penis, toy or just the vaginal walls and intensifies the sensations. The problem is when you tense and hold your whole body tense and/or hold your breath. Energy will always take the path of least resistance. When there is tight muscles, or holding your breath the energy cannot travel up and through the body. This blockage will leave you feeling like you are right at the peak but can't get over. When the energy is stuck for too long it either just dissipates or you push it out. Learning to relax in general is often needed. There is an exercise you can do to help. It's call PC Pumps. You tighten and relax the pelvic constrictor muscles (pelvic floor muscles). Many of you may know it as kegal exercises. It needs to be done with purpose, intent and breathing. You breath in as you tighten and exhale as you relax. This helps to retain your mind and body. It trains you that is ok to tighten but it also trains you to relax. I suggest doing this for at least 30 days. If you do something for 30 days (doesn't have to be consecutive but can't be too spread out), it becomes a habit. You have built up muscle memory which is an automatic response in your brain to do something without having to focus or think about it. This alone may not do it. You will have to consciously break the old habit of tensing up as well. Remember you don't have to just lay their like a dead fish either. You can tighten but you need times when you relax your body and exhale. This give the energy that window of opportunity to flow.
3. Mental blockages are extremely common and there are so many different mental blockages. They can be anything from what do I have to get at the store tomorrow to guilt from deep beliefs about sex. Religion for many people is common mental blockage. Even if you have different beliefs than how you were brought up, those original beliefs are more likely still there. It is very difficult to change those beliefs that were ingrained in us growing up. They are deep in our subconscious and when we do something that goes against what those beliefs are we have some form of guilt or shame. Even if it is at a subconscious level it is enough to shift our energy, focus and disconnect us from the present moment.
Still adding. Please keep checking back for more information.
There are many possible reasons. So many that I won't be able to list all the ones I know and I'm sure I don't know all of the reasons. I can discuss what I feel are main reasons and give suggestion to help you figure out if there are other reasons for you.
First we need to understand exactly what an orgasm is and what happens in the process. An orgasm is purely energy. It is a very raw, primal, earthy energy that builds in the lower two Chakras as we become more and more aroused. Once it reaches a peak it travels up the spine, through the other Chakras and fills the entire body. This is referred to as a full body orgasm but truly it is just a normal orgasm. What I can tell you for sure is everyone is able to orgasm. Since an orgasm is purely energy anyone can orgasm and sexual stimulation is not even needed. It is when the process of building the sexual energy or flow is hindered or blocked that we are not able to reach orgasm or we are left with very localized orgasms in the genitals and pelvis area only, or mildly through our body. Here are somethings that I have researched or come across in my experiences with clients, ex-wife and friends.
1. A western perception of an orgasm is something going out. Especially for men since we ejaculate but even most women are brought up to think it is a sexual RELEASE. Release as in releasing it from your body. This gives us the mind set to push something out. So we build and build this energy and then push it out. This gives women, even men, the feeling of just about to orgasm and then loose it. Or we are left with a localized orgasm in just the pelvic area and often feel drained or wiped out afterward because we've built up all of this energy and pushed it out. This can be a fairly easy fix. Once you understand what an orgasm is, how it builds and where it goes you can start setting a new intent. Before and a little during sex or masturbation set the intent for the energy to flow up and fill your body when it reaches it's peak. Don't focus a lot on it. Just tell your body what you want it to do. This may take a few to several times. You are retraining not only the energy but your brain as well.
2. One of the most common things I see happen is women tense up too much. It is a natural reaction to tense and tighten the vaginal muscles and pelvic muscles. When you do this it grips the penis, toy or just the vaginal walls and intensifies the sensations. The problem is when you tense and hold your whole body tense and/or hold your breath. Energy will always take the path of least resistance. When there is tight muscles, or holding your breath the energy cannot travel up and through the body. This blockage will leave you feeling like you are right at the peak but can't get over. When the energy is stuck for too long it either just dissipates or you push it out. Learning to relax in general is often needed. There is an exercise you can do to help. It's call PC Pumps. You tighten and relax the pelvic constrictor muscles (pelvic floor muscles). Many of you may know it as kegal exercises. It needs to be done with purpose, intent and breathing. You breath in as you tighten and exhale as you relax. This helps to retain your mind and body. It trains you that is ok to tighten but it also trains you to relax. I suggest doing this for at least 30 days. If you do something for 30 days (doesn't have to be consecutive but can't be too spread out), it becomes a habit. You have built up muscle memory which is an automatic response in your brain to do something without having to focus or think about it. This alone may not do it. You will have to consciously break the old habit of tensing up as well. Remember you don't have to just lay their like a dead fish either. You can tighten but you need times when you relax your body and exhale. This give the energy that window of opportunity to flow.
3. Mental blockages are extremely common and there are so many different mental blockages. They can be anything from what do I have to get at the store tomorrow to guilt from deep beliefs about sex. Religion for many people is common mental blockage. Even if you have different beliefs than how you were brought up, those original beliefs are more likely still there. It is very difficult to change those beliefs that were ingrained in us growing up. They are deep in our subconscious and when we do something that goes against what those beliefs are we have some form of guilt or shame. Even if it is at a subconscious level it is enough to shift our energy, focus and disconnect us from the present moment.
Still adding. Please keep checking back for more information.